WARTS

This is the trailer for the 2005 film ‘Actium Maximus: War of the Alien Dinosaurs’, written by, directed by, shot by and starring Mark Hicks. I noticed this trailer had not yet graced the face of YouTube just yet, so I chose to add it myself. ‘Actium Maximus’ is a film that must be seen – nay, *endured* – to believe. It’s not that it’s *terrible *, per se…I’ve seen a lot, lot, LOT worse films crawl their way out of the Troma basement, but the film itself is rather…unwatchable. Truly unwatchable. There is no possible way anyone could make it through the entire duration of this film without having some manner of stroke (it took me slightly less than an hour before I turned it off, and I was doing dishes throughout most of it). Again, this is not to say it’s Terrible …I liken this film to Lou Reed’s “Metal Machine Music” album: it is simply 90 straight minutes of white blast , feedback and reverb. You could call it an artistic statement, you can call it the product of minds on heavy drugs, but it would take a LOT of the very same drugs (if not more) to call it “entertainment”. The weird fact remains is that the movie itself is not *terrible *…there’s really nothing going on that one can pinpoint as a “negative thing ”. There’s barely any acting to critique, the camera work is decent, the special effects aren’t terrible , the plot is generic….it’s just really , truly, headache-inducingly, bone-shatteringly unwatchable. It’s a cinematic endurance test of the highest caliber. I suggest you …